Tuesday, August 02, 2011

Why I haven't been blogging lately...


(Offline Blogging: Saturday, 30 July 2011 at 19.14
Because there is no internet and I can't complete my thesis.)

I haven't really been blogging lately and it's been a while since I have written about something on a really personal level (well, my deepest personal stuff I don't post on this blog because those are meant only for my LJ, as they've always been for the last 10 years I've been privately blogging).

Anyway, last week, we had our company management seminar at "Da Farm", this beautiful farm where we ate really great meals. Our CFO (also the wife of the CEO) is such a wonderful vegetarian cook, I thought she should run a healthy canteen. Aaaaaand the farm animals are…amazing.

Before I go to the real meat of this blog entry (I keep getting distracted by thoughts of food and cute little furries), I better post the photos first.


Tilapia pond. We have a tilapia pond at our Tagaytay farm, too, but it isn't nearly this big.

The tilapia pond from afar.

The house situated at the center of the vast land. Its contemporary design is in contrast with the hunter-gatherer feel of the area.

A fun place to read.

You wake up to these fat little puppies.

Kulit, too.

Aaaaaand that's sheep.

It sorta followed me around during my tour of the place.

This is my favorite area, where the goats are.

The huge-ass grandfather goat with a creepy smile. I heard it was imported.

You can touch its horns, but I was too intimidated by it.

Snobby kitteh.

This white cat had one blue eye and one yellow eye. I couldn't take a photo of it up close since it was too paranoid.


Ok, now lemme segue into the real story I wanted to tell as I'm hoping this could help people (especially graduate students who are also working full-time) find their balance. The seminar we took in this place was about loving your job. Fortunately, all of us who were in that training already love our job. What I realized was that -- while being asked about our goals -- I have actually worn myself thin over so many things I wanted to do in so little time.

Let's see. Everyone knows I'm taking my doctorate studies and hoping to finish by the end of this school year. I am also a Game Producer and now also handling the Communications Department. This makes me automatically active in industry organizations such as the Game Development Association of the Philippines (GDAP) and the International Game Development Association (IGDA) and these associations need to coordinate with government bodies like TESDA, CHED, the now defunct CICT (and we're still talking!) and so on and so forth.

So basically I divide my time like this:
Weekday office hours = Work as Producer and work in Communications, including org meetings that may go way beyond office hours
Week nights (or week dawns) = Try to blog, if I get home before 9PM (which is now rare and I can't stay up till midnight because I need to wake up at 4AM)
Saturdays = Work on my Philippine Online Chronicle articles, if something industry-related doesn't come up
Sundays = Work on thesis (the average PhD dissertations here in the country is about 10x as thick as college theses...why so long????)
And whatever free time I squeeze out of that, I try to do some personal art (because I want to compete again this year and hold an exhibit again next year)…which I can barely manage. I barf at my personal works now. They all look and sound so bleh.

Something has to give.

Well. My health did.

So here I am, unplugged, recovering (should have told that nurse that my vein is not a Tetrapak box), and thinking about things I could let go of. Well, that was hard. So, I decided to concentrate on the three goals that we were asked to name during the seminar:
  1. To become a doctor by the end of the school year. (This is the key that unlocks a number of other quests, including #3.)
  2. To own a museum/gallery.
  3. To help the Philippine education system meet industry needs. (This, instead of World Peace, is my Ms. Universe dream.)
So all other decisions or activities I'd be doing from now on must be headed towards those three goals. That is still hard. The decision to resign from The Philippine Online Chronicles was difficult enough but I'm now reserving my writing energy for that gargantuan PhD tome I'm supposed to cough up on September 9. (August 2 Edit: Apparently, I'm now chasing after an August 15 deadline.)

I'm also not accepting any commissioned writing or web gigs from now on until I graduate. I will just end up disappointing/angering clients because my brain is all over the place. I've been pretty cranky, too.

Here are the other problems:
  • Half of what I'm doing in the Communications Department are related to #3. (In fact it's ironic that I'm doing more high-level education stuff now that I'm in the industry than when I was in the academe. I guess you can move more fluidly when you're not tied down to one school.)
  • What I do as a Game Producer is what will help me get #1 (and vice-versa). 
  • I shouldn't give up my blogs completely (though they haven't been updated lately). They will help me get #2 because they're related to my personal art.
  • Social life is almost completely dead, since having one will not lead me to any of my goals. That's just plain sad.
So…I haven't really totally unloaded much, except maybe my blogs. I feel bad seeing them decline, as I just watch helplessly. I miss replying to my readers and reading everyone else's blogs.

But anyway, once I get #1 off that list, I suppose I'll be able to manage my time more freely so I'm now concentrating on accomplishing that as fast as I can. Until then...I just might need an assistant.

I do promise that I will be back and I will be back with a vengeance. =^.^= In the meantime, maybe you can talk to me about your personal life goals and how you want to reach them? Just drop a comment below so I'd know you guys are still there.

Thanks, y'all!



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16 comments :

  1. You are doing the work of a few people. No wonder it has taken a toll on your health. I'm not the first to say that while driving towards goals is wonderful losing your center while doing so is not good. Even if you enjoy it all don't do so much as to lose the ability to enjoy life as a whole. I wish I had a tiny bit of your drive but if I had all your drive I'd probably be dead by now. Positive thoughts being sent your way for you to learn, adapt, and live.

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  2. Love the kittehs! I had a cat who has blue & green eyes, too!

    I learned to not wear myself out after doing corporate work. Now I just chill: teach, write, jiujitsu, travel :) Somehow I realized that I am getting older and I want a more peaceful way of life. But that's just me :)

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  3. Yeah...I just tell myself it will be over soon. I really should take it easy, but for this year, it's going to be difficult to tell myself to slow down. At least, I've begun by quitting a few of my extra-curricular activities.

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  4. That's what I want to. I will get there someday. I guess it can't be helped. I got back into the corporate world because my PhD thesis is about game development. I haven't been in game development for a while.

    I have regrets, though. I think I would have been happier if I resigned from my previous job last September pa and started working for this company earlier. I only got the inspiration for my thesis when I got in here. I wouldn't be cramming now if I had gotten that inspiration earlier. Le sigh.

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  5. i thought it's a case of "a deserted blog because of a Php dissertation".. :)

    speaking of goats, we have a lot of goats in the province. since we don't have dogs, i treat them as one. i just can't teach them tricks like "play dead" and "sit" because they are so tamad, they just like to eat the entire day. but their names are doggie names like tagpi, brownie, etc.

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  6. I have a personal LJ too, haha! Kaso ang dami nang problema ng LJ ha, parang every other week may DDoS attack sila. :(

    Don't give up on blogging! With the many things you are doing now I believe this can serve as your outlet. Though nakakapagod mag-blog minsan. Blog when you feel like it lang. Your corporeal (whatta word haha) social life may have to take a backseat, but hey, at least there's an online community here for you to interact with. :)

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  7. I actually don't want to give up blogging...it's just that I'm so tired sometimes that I just can't write. This one I wrote when there was no internet and I was all alone in an isolated condo unit and I was done with what I was supposed to do.

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  8. That's a nice place ah! Hey, take care of yourself. Glad you've been able to publish this entry at least. I miss reading your comments as well. Hoping that the next few weeks, months will be better for you in all aspects.

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  9. Gosh, I didn't know, Bea! *hugs hugs hugs* Just rest up. Mahirap atang sabihan ka na take it easy because I'm sure you're mentally listing everything you should do, but I do hope you'll be back to your full health soon :)

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  10. I'm actually hoping to get a respite in October, since sem break yun. The last schedule of defense daw kasi is in September. When I graduate, at least I can pursue as many things as I want na.

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  11. IKR! When I got back to the office, umikot butt ko sa dami ng naiwang trabaho. Although I surprised myself with the speed I mustered in checking off tasks.

    Now I'm basically playing the games I'm supposed to be researching so i guess...relaxation na siguro yun for me at the same time.

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  12. I'm just glad to finally see your blog post in my Inbox! Glad to hear from you again, Bea! With your hectic schedule, I can imagine that your body will complain! I think you need to relax a bit, take a break and recharge your energy after all your hard work! You're doing well in achieving your goals, but just take extra care of your health so you can enjoy all of it in the end and have no regrets! Cheers and stay strong, Bea! Like they say in Korean TV series, "FIGHTING!!!".

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  13. Thanks so much, Kate! So glad to hear from you guys. :)

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